Mess

As I explode
I see you there laying
as a burned down building
endless
like a chopped landscape.

I hate you
and the ash in you hair
and that yellow smoke
you screamed on my ceiling

How many little chinese people
died in your tiny apartments?

How many mortgages
and anniversary cups
did your relentless

beautiful and relentless

fire destroy?

I loathe you
while I mourn
the seed of my
cryptic passion

Your smile offends me:
just look in my eyes and
tell me that
I'm fooling myself
tell me that
there isn't such a thing
as a replacement for a woman
I never had.

I stand still as I observe
the fog of our failed attempts
to love
make funny shapes of shades
on my grotesque roof
over our desecrated bodies.

Laying beside her
I tenderly realize
(once again, once twice)
that I'm broken.

An unmendable
young
mess.